Neighborhood Watch - The Musical

The LAARCWC and The Rights of Laborers

The Liberation Army Auto Repair and Car Wash Center (LAARCWC) is in hot water (figuratively not literally) with Hyacinth Smyth, who lives next door.

Ms. Smyth was awakened at precisely 2:47 A.M. to a bright light and the sound of an electric sander scraping metal. Naturally, Ms. Smyth assumed that alien beings had invaded earth, and immediately called 911. “Supernatural creatures, seventeen feet high, with semiautomatic pneumatic drills for hands, and powerful luminescent eyes with the wattage of flood lamps,” she shrieked.

The dispatcher, Alice Potash, said that the rest of Ms. Smyth’s call was unintelligible except for a few phrases: “attach on my person,” “metal robots,” “alien invasion,” “catastrophe,” and “night of the living dead.”

Officer Mijinsky arrived on the scene at precisely 5:42 A.M. According to Officer Mijinsky, Ms. Smyth grabbed him by the collar and began ranting wildly about robots from Mars, and being eaten alive by Venusians.

Ms. Smyth was taken to J Ward for observation.

“I may have overreacted,” she was later quoted as saying. “But you have to understand the pressure I was under. It’s the LAARCWC, they’re at it all day and all night, with the sanding and the drilling and the pounding and the sawing, and Heaven only knows what else! And the smells!!! Gasoline, and kerosene, and other ines that I don’t even know the name of! And all those cars parked from one end of the street to the other! It’s no wonder I’m a wreck!” (Ms. Smyth has always had a flare for the dramatic.) “They won’t get away with any of it. Mark my words!”

When asked to comment, Code Enforcement Officer Gary Frisbee responded, “There’s nothing we can do. According to code, the limit for residential parking is three vehicles in the driveway, and, clearly, there are only three vehicles in the driveway. I’m not on duty at 2 in the morning. I haven’t witnessed any auto repair work during night hours. My hands are tied.”