The Molly Chronicles

 Introduction

               

            A hearty “hello” to all of you, and welcome to my world. My human, I regret to say, spends way too much time watching television and playing computer games and not enough time actually accomplishing anything, so of course it’s up to me, the Border Collie, to write the posts for her blog.  My writing has been well-received by canines and humans alike, and I decided to incorporate my best posts into this book, “The Molly Chronicles.”

            I hope you enjoy reading about life from the perspective of an intelligent collie with an above-average work ethic (me).

            Love,

                             Molly

My First Post

My human is freaking out. It seems that her novel got all messed up. So she’s barking at the computer and mumbling about formatting and fonts and  #!&#!!^%$#$  computers. Typing doesn't look so hard. I think I’ll have a go at it.

                          

A Picture of My Human Playing Computer Games

(when she should be working)

           

            Shucks, this is easy. I don’t know why my human gets so mad at the computer. And she can even type with fingers. I have to use a paw or my nose........ OH!!!!!.........

            Typing with a nose has its advantages. See, my human  likes to eat while she types. So “k” and “i” taste like cheese. Yum!     

kikikikikikikikikikkikik.

Jury Duty

My human and I got summoned for jury duty, and we got assigned to a case. The judge, who is a wise and kind human, asked us not to talk about the trial until it’s over, and I have to respect her wishes. After the trial, I plan to blog about my impression of the human’s justice system. I can tell you this much, however. They don’t hand out Beggin’ Strips or rawhide chews in the courtroom, and you aren’t allowed to pee on the metal detectors.

Molly, signing off.

Conversations on Jury Duty  from "Hanging Out"
 

 Barbara Sher's website



Molly
My Border Collie work ethic helps me complete the goals I set for myself.
The goal I’m currently working on is blogging about my jury duty experience with my human. Each day, beginning with June 20, 2013 I’m reporting on the happenings in the courtroom of Judge Katherine McConnell.  (Just typing the words gives me the shivers.) For a practice goal, perhaps I’ll create a coffee-table book compiling the best stories in “The Molly Chronicles”.
I’m really excited about my posts on the jury duty experience. They may be my best work yet. Here’s an excerpt from today’s post. You can read the rest on my human’s website, http://www.temporaryaddress-jody.blogspot.com

 
“The Molly Chronicles Jury Duty
We Enter the Courtroom
…I hoped and prayed that they would choose my human and me to serve on the jury. My human, I regret to say, was hoping to get out of it.”

From Hanging Out,
 

Barbara Sher's website


Human's comment: Molly, my overachieving Border Collie, seems to have posted here again. Her comments on jury duty and on other things do not necessary reflect the opinions of her human/owner.

 

Eileen

I applaud you for that ethic, Molly. And as for the crack someone (who shall be nameless) made about your opinions not reflecting, etc., well Molly, they ought to! Because your opinions are solid gold, imho. So just keep on wagging, girl, and never mind some nay-sayer (again, whose name I won’t mention).

            Glad to see YOU were ready to do your duty.

Jury Duty – Day 1

My human and I have been summoned for jury duty. I’m pleased and humbled – and just thrilled with the prospect of serving. As you know Border Collies have a great sense of duty.

We appeared Wednesday morning, and had to pass through a metal detector. The sheriffs at the door normally wouldn’t let a dog into the building, but they could tell at once what a noble animal I am; so they let me in, no questions asked.

I must state for the record that I understand their “no dogs in the courthouse” policy. Can you imagine the trouble Astro would cause if he were ever allowed inside? He’d chew up everything from the attorney’s briefs to the briefs that the defendants were wearing. And he’d probably bark and slobber all over everyone’s faces.

As for Buddy, he’d just lift his leg and pee on the judge.

We Enter the Courtroom

They chose sixty of us at random as a pool of prospective jurors, and we were sent upstairs to Courtroom 2. I hoped and prayed that they would choose my human and me to serve on the jury. My human, I regret to say, was hoping to get out of it.

The courtroom was modeled after the set in the “Perry Mason” shows, except that our courtroom had more comfortable seats. Unfortunately, I, being a dog, had to lie on the floor.

I told the judge that I could save everyone a whole lot of trouble. I could tell her if the defendant was guilty or innocent by smelling his butt. The judge said that’s not the way our court system works. Humans are sometimes very stubborn and backward.

            Anyway, they began the jury selection process called “voire dire” which is a fancy shmancy term for all talk and no liver snacks. They interviewed the first eighteen prospective jurors. The judge politely thanked and excused some of them and she said that being excused was no reflection on their character. Still, I’d be devastated if they excused me.

            My human was the fifty second person interviewed. She forgot to mention that she was a writer. Fortunately I was there, and told everyone that she wrote “Temporary Address”, that I'm her publicist, and that e-books are available  through Amazon, B&N, and Lulu.com, and paperbacks are available through Lulu.

             The judge said she’d read it after the trial. She is a very honest person, and wouldn’t lie about a thing like that, even to be polite.

Jury Duty - Day 2

            My human and I got chosen to serve on the jury. My doggie heart beat with the highest sense of duty and pride as I raised my right paw and barked my promise to uphold the law and to render a fair and impartial verdict.

            Besides the judge and us jurors, there were the district attorney, the defense attorney and the defendant.

The district attorney’s name was Lester, but I will always think of him as peanut breath. He’d be good at playing “fetch" because he was always fetching things which he wanted to call into evidence.

            The defense lawyer, Jerome, was a little old man with a runny nose. He wore a bow tie and suspenders, and he smelled like Ben Gay. I’ll bet he feeds dogs under the table, which is a very good thing to do.

            Also, there were bailiffs, the court clerk, and a court stenographer, who all petted me and scratched behind my ears, but they don't really enter into the story.

            The guy on trial, Rudy, looked like he’d eaten a doggy worming pill (yuck). I wasn’t allowed to smell his butt.

The D. A. said that Rudy had gone for a ride in a car. I can understand that. Going for a ride is one of my favorite things to do. Unfortunately, Rudy had gone for a ride in someone else’s car. In fact, Rudy had gone for  rides in several other people’s cars.

            Jerome, Rudy’s lawyer, explained that it was all a misunderstanding. Rudy had thought he was borrowing the cars, and not stealing them.

            I could understand that too. I have had several similar misunderstandings. There was the ham that my human had left on the counter which I could have sworn she meant for me. And there were several garbage incidents, which were not my fault.

            I left the courthouse eager for the next day when Lester would begin calling witnesses. And I was drooling, just thinking about the ham bone.

            Molly, signing off with a patriotic salute.

Jury Duty - Day 3

            Hello, Molly the Collie here, reporting from the courthouse.

            The District attorney called his first witness, George, who had wanted to go for a ride in his car. I think he needed to buy treats for his dog, but he didn’t actually say that. Anyway, his car was gone – stolen!!!!!

            Later, a police officer found the car with Rudy in it. He asked George if he had given Rudy permission to take his car, and George said, “no.” The plot thickens – Rudy had special keys for breaking into other people’s cars.

            Then Alice McGuilecudy took the stand. She had been getting ready to go to work (which is a waste of time, if you ask me), and her car wasn’t there. Another officer had found Rudy taking a back pack and a car stereo out of Alice’s car.

            Five more humans testified that their cars were stolen, and that they hadn’t told Rudy it was okay to take them. And several policemen testified that they found Rudy driving these cars with crazy keys in his pocket. These keys could start any car. It looked bad for good old Rudy! What would happen next? Jury duty was more exciting that I had expected.

             Then Jerome, the defense lawyer called Rudy to the stand. Rudy explained that it was all a mistake. Rudy had thought he was borrowing the cars from his friends. And he only took the stereo out of Alice’s car because it was dirty, and he wanted to polish it.

The next witness was Officer Kevin Hansen. From the moment he entered the courtroom, my keen nose detected an extraordinary air about him, a sense of something noble, heroic even. I pricked up my ears in anticipation waiting for him to be sworn in.

            Be still, my doggie heart! I hadn’t dared to hope as much, but yes, the man was a dog handler! He worked with the K-9 Corp, an elite group of animals sworn to protect and to serve us.

            I look up to these dogs. They are my heroes. 

            You won’t believe what happened next. Just wait till you read tomorrow’s report.

           

            Mollie, AFK (away from keyboard)

Jury Duty - Day 4

Hey, Ho, it’s Molly here reporting again from the courthouse.

            Yesterday was a thrilling day for me actually hearing from Officer Hansen, who trains dogs in the K-9 Corp.

            Today, Officer Hansen took the witness stand again, and, being a dog, I was very interested in his testimony. Officer Hansen works with Caesar, a five-year-old German Shepherd, and it was Caesar who had apprehended the suspect, Rudy.

            I couldn’t help it. I was whining and straining at the leash as Officer Hansen described Caesar’s actions on the morning of April 26^th that led to the arrest of Rudy the car borrower.

            It gets better! The District Attorney asked that Caesar appear in court to testify. I felt like saluting as Caesar took the stand. In true form, Caesar raised his right paw and barked his sworn oath.

            They did a courtroom demonstration of the arrest. Caesar stood ready, his ears cocked forward waiting for the signal from Officer Hansen. They brought in a police officer dressed in padding who was supposed to look like the perpetrator. (Perpetrator means very, very bad dog in human speak.)

           

            On command, Caesar lunged at the “perp”, grabbing his right forearm in his massive jaw. They struggled for a few minutes. It looked as if Caesar had subdued the human, and then all of a sudden he slipped out of Caesar’s grasp. We all held our breath. What would happen next?

            Then the “perp” did something really sneaky. He pulled a sausage out of his pocket and threw it across the room, and he smiled and told Caesar, “go get it, doggy!” A sausage! How could any dog resist that?

            But Caesar didn’t even flinch. He grabbed the human by the arm and held on until Officer Hansen slapped his handcuffs on the “perp” and led him away. I feel so much safer knowing that  brave dogs like Caesar are patrolling our streets. 

               

A  Snapshot of Caesar on Patrol

           

            I think I’m falling in love with Caesar. You may call it puppy love, a crush, infatuation, hero worship. But I can see a real future with Caesar – a litter of puppies, a vacation home in dog park.

            This is Molly signing off with a sigh.

Jury Duty - Day 5

The Wrap Up

Greeting to you humans and fellow dogs,

            This is Molly the Border Collie wrapping up her story about jury duty.

            We found Rudy guilty of going for a ride in other people’s cars without their permission. He has to go to jail, which is like the pound only not as bad.

                During a break, Caesar and I got some time alone together. Caesar said that he could easily fall for a girl like me, but he was married to his job. A police dog and a Border Collie - we come from two different worlds; it probably wouldn’t have worked out.
He licked my nose and walked away. “Here’s sniffin’ at you, kid,” he said. “We’ll always have the steps of the courthouse.” Then he was gone. I’ll never forget that moment as long as I live. 

            My jury service is over, and I hold my head up higher now. I was part of the humans’ justice system, and I performed well, upholding the proud reputation of the Border Collie.

            I’ll try to get my human to quit playing solitaire and give you her account of our jury service. Meanwhile, if you liked my story, please tell your friends about me.
            With a proud salute to you all, 

            This is Molly, signing off. 

This is Molly’s human, Elaine, setting the record straight about jury duty.

I like to write as Molly because she is much cuter than I am. The real  Molly thinks blogging and computers are a waste of time that could be put to better use - like taking her for a walk.

            Yes, I had jury duty. No, Molly did not get to come with me. I was an alternate juror, and didn’t get to vote on the verdict. Parking was a pain. Other than that, jury duty wasn’t bad. 

            Caesar was a figment of my imagination. Two of the officers who testified work with police dogs, and that’s where I got the idea of a police dog taking the stand.

      I hope you liked my story. As Molly would say,

                        Licks and tail wags to you all.

 

Comment:

            Wow, Molly, you got to meet Caesar? I've never apprehended a human -- just lots of tennis balls. I love tennis balls, don't you? They soak up mud and dew and spit. My human doesn't seem to like them. He throws them away. But I always bring 'em back as quickly as possible. And he complains when I drop them in his lap. I can carry two tennis balls in my mouth and run around the yard. Do they need a dog at the courthouse who can run with two tennis balls in his mouth? 'Cause if they do, I'm their dog!

            Shadow 

Comment:

            Hi, Shadow,
            TWO tennis balls - that's impressive! At the courthouse, they have a lot of people in handcuffs, and the bailiffs have to take them for a walk. I'll bet you would be a great people-walker.

            Molly

Excerpts from "Hanging Out"

Barbara Sher's website

Eileen:  My dear friend, a Canadian timber wolf asked me to pass this on to Molly. Would you please do so? I tried to post on your blog, but the computer wouldn’t let me. Thanks.

Hi, Molly, I must say, you have gorgeous fur! Almost wolf-like. (I know you will pardon me putting it that way when I tell you I am myself a timber wolf.)

I am glad the jury duty was not too taxing for you. I can understand your interest in Caesar as he is a good-looking dog, even if he isn’t a wolf. I could go for you myself, but I have a lovely wife at home and five pups, and I am steadfastly monogamous I am proud to say.

Well, “Woof!” for now, as you domesticateds would say.

From "Hanging Out"

Barbara Sher's website

Molly:

Dear Eileen,

            Thank you so much for your kind words, and for trying to post. Computers can be so challenging, even to people like you and dogs like me who have above average work ethics. I have had similar problems on other people’s websites. Even a Border Collie and an overachiever human can only do so much!

            Greetings, also, to you, Canadian Timber Wolf. Kudos on your fine family, and your decision to stay true to your wife.

            May you be blessed with humans and wolves to love you and lots of room to run.

            Molly, signing off




  There's much  more, but it doesn't fit on the post,