Ancestry.com (cont.)

            I’ve been researching my lineage on Ancestry.com, and remember, I’m related to the great border collies, Old Hemp, and Mirk and the world renown Wiston Cap. That’s on my father’s side. Well, my mother was an Aussie - An Australian shepherd. The funny thing is - no one in the family lived in Australia. They just herded Australian sheep in a place called California.

            I can trace my line back to great, great, lots-of-greats, grandmother Sadie, who lived about fifty miles east of Sacramento. That was back in the Wild West days. One historic day, she and her human Jimmie were out on patrol when suddenly this gopher - the biggest gopher you’d ever want to see -poked his whiskers up from the ground and started giving Sadie some serious attitude. Like “I dare you to catch me.”

Sadie All Ready to Pounce

                

 

            In no time at all, Sadie was head deep up to her shoulders in the hole, and brick-orange dirt was flying around like mosquitoes in August. Faster and harder - Sadie kept digging, harder and harder still. Clay, small rocks, chunks of tree roots, they all got launched through the air.

            Well, wouldn’t you know it - a small rock hit Jimmie Marshall in the head, and when he picked it up, he noticed it was shiny. And that was when he went all discombobulated. He was whooping and stompin’ and hollerin’ like a cow on loco weed, and he ran all the way into town yelling “Gold!!!! Gold!!!!” So that’s how they say James Marshall discovered gold in California.

            They never did give Sadie any credit, but I don’t think she minded much.

            The gopher got away.

            Hi, It’s me, Molly, back again. I’m learning more about the Australian shepherd side of my family. And, remember I told you about Sadie????

            Cisco was Sadie’s son, and, I’m ashamed to say it, was a chicken rustler and a garbage scrounger, but it wasn’t his fault. If humans leave garbage at dog nose level, well, what do they expect of us.? We’re only canine. And besides, back in Cisco’s day when the West was wild, all the garbage went for pig slop. Now I ask you, who’s more deserving - a noble dog or a blubbery pig????

Cisco

                                            

                And as for the chicken incident, chickens are dumb and they’re all peck, plock, cluck, flutter, peck, cluck.

            So one day, this hen, Jessie, got out into the carrot patch and was scratching and cluck-plocking.

            Naturally Cisco ran at the carrot patch with his hackles on chicken alert, just snarling and growling and ready to give here what for.

            That’s when his female human noticed the activity,  and instead of praising Cisco for his courage, started calling and yelling and stomping her feet. But for some reason, Cisco got a temporary attack of deafness just then, and instead of coming to his human, he gruff-ruffed right at the stupid chicken. (All chickens are stupid.)

            He took a bite out of the chicken, and, by the time the human got there, the stupid chicken was lying all soggy and not moving- not so much as a twitch or a flutter. Cisco was trying to paw the feathers out of his mouth.

            Well Cisco’s person was furious. We dogs don’t understand ALL the words humans say. (Except that border collies and Aussies understand more than most.) But we understand yelling and screaming just fine. By the way, we also understand “shit, shit, shit.”

            Back in those days, a dog that kills chickens is a dead dog walking, so poor Cisco was dragged back to the farmhouse and tied up to a hitching post for horses. Of course Cisco got to chewing on the rope, but, before he could free himself, his human muzzled him with a fat old belt.

            That night, the male human came in from the fields and got out his shotgun, and dragged ol’ Cisco by the rope to a spot behind the chicken coop.

            He really wasn’t a bad human. It’s just that back then killing chickens was a criminal offense punishable by getting shot.

            So this human sat down next to Cisco and scratched his ears and his chest ‘cause he really loved Cisco in spite of his failings. But the human knew what he had to do. He picked up the shotgun and took aim and  - wouldn’t you know it - there was Jessie just a struttin’ and a cluckin’ and not dead at all. And acting like she was a smart dog instead of a dumb chicken.

Jessie the Dumb Chicken

                                                  

 

            So they stuffed a bunch of chicken feathers and mud and straw and more feathers into an old flour sack and tied the sack around Cisco’s neck and Cisco had to drag that old sack around for a week.

            After that he left the chickens alone.  But he still got into the garbage one in a while .

            My human friend Linda says that I should apologize to chickens everywhere.

            Sorry, chickens, for saying you’re stupid, and for wanting to eat you. There, I said it. (But chickens really are stupid and tasty.)

            Linda also says that chickens will sometimes faint or play dead when they’re in danger, and that’s probably what Jessie was doing.

            I found one more Australian shepherd I’m related to. It’s Cisco’s great, great grandson, Sundance. He was named after a human who robbed trains, which was a really bad idea for a name if you ask me.

At that time in Hangtown, there was this place called Kate’s Saloon where male humans liked to drink orange water and watch female humans kick up their legs and show their crotches.

            Kate was the alpha female (human) there, and she had this little frou-frou dog called Madame Fifi. When all the kicking was over, Kate used to bounce to the front and lift her skirt. Then Madame Fifi would jump out of Kate’s undies, do a dog dance and run around to the bar where someone would  give her a piece

of bacon.

           

            Well, one day, Sundance was taking a dog nap just outside Kate’s saloon and he woke up just as Madam Fifi was doing her dance. Madam Fifi smelled good. She smelled really,  REALLY good. Sundance ran into the saloon, jumped Madam Fifi and enveloped here in a firm embrace. The humans hollered and tried to grab Sundance, but there was no stopping him, a fool in love.

            Kate shrieked. She’d paid a lot of money for Madam Fifi, which is a big deal to humans.

           

            Sundance got into trouble.

            Later Madam Fifi gave birth to five colliedoodles who didn’t know anything about sheep.

Portrait of a Colliedoodle

(No relation to me.)