Molly's New Year's Resolutions

Greeting, Readers,

This year I am making three New Year's Resolutions:

1. Get plenty of rest.
 

2.  Exercise every day.

3. Read good literature.

Happy New Year, Everyone,

Molly

Ask Molly

Sadie Jetson, a human from Galveston Texas (and the object of Winston's affections) writes:


Dear Molly,

OMG!

I had no idea that Winston the owl has a thing for me. He's a lovely owl, with great soulful eyes, and I'm very fond of him. But I don't have THOSE kinds of feelings. I have read his letter to you posted on Sept. 9th, and it explains a lot - the hooting noises in the middle of the night, the claw marks on my bedroom window, the dead mouse in my closet. Oops, make that dead mice in my closet.

I want to let Winston down easy. He's a fine owl and I've enjoyed our time together, but he's just not the boy - or bird - for me. How can I say "no, thank you" to his romantic advances without breaking his heart?   Molly, help me get through to him.

p.s. I recently received a box (wrapped in shiny red paper and tied with a red velvet ribbon) containing forty-five hamsters. They have taken over my kitchen. I reach for a spatula, and instead latch on to  something furry. What should I do with them?

Sincerely,
Sadie Jetson


Dear Sadie,

Did you, by any chance, send Winston the wrong signals? Did you hoot, preen, nod, or bow in front of him? If you did, you are an owl tease and should be ashamed of yourself. (Humans really should learn to speak more foreign languages, such as dog, owl, and Portuguese.)
 
If you want Winston to understand your feelings, you must tell him the way a female owl would. Click your tongue, and  lower your head with your arms spread wide and pointing down. Ideally, you should be spreading and lowering your wings, but you probably don't have any of those, you being human and all. Anyway, he'll either get the message and fly away, or feel highly insulted and try to peck your eyes. Good luck to you.

I will be happy to take the hamsters off your hands. Yum!

Sincerely,
Molly

Ask Molly

Today's "Ask Molly" letter comes from a human in Savannah Georgia who writes:

Dear Molly,

I don't understand. Why does my dog jump into every smelly, muddy, puddle and ditch he runs across, but acts like he's being tortured when it's time for a bath?

Signed,
Curious and soapy,

Dear Curious,

Where to begin. Mud has the delicious essence of freedom, adventure, and romance. Just smelling it makes a dog crazy with anticipation. Soapy water on the other hand . . .   Well, you wouldn't squirt perfume all over yourself, would  you?  Oh, maybe YOU would.

Yours,

Molly

Jury Duty - Elaine's Version

This is Molly’s human, Elaine, setting the record straight about jury duty.

 I like to write as Molly because she is much cuter than I am. Molly thinks blogging and computers are a waste of time that could be put to better use - like taking her for a walk.

Yes, I had jury duty. Molly did not get to come with me. I was an alternate juror, and didn’t get to vote on the verdict. The jury found him guilty. I don’t know what sentence the judge handed down. 
Parking was a pain. Other than that, jury duty wasn't bad. 

I did doodle during the trial, but any doodling I did was handed in and destroyed at the end of my service. The doodling shown on the July 27^th post was done earlier during various meetings and writing classes I went to.

Caesar was a figment of my imagination. Two of the officers who testified work with police dogs, and that’s where I got the idea of a police dog taking the stand.

I hope you liked my story.

Now here comes a shameless sales pitch: “Temporary Address” is a serious work. Please check it out. You can read it by clicking the photos on the right. Buy the Kindle version on Amazon.com or a paperback or e-book on Lulu.com. (click the "Lulu" button at the top of my blog.) Barnes & Noble also caries the e-book.
If you like any of my writing, please tell your friends.

As Molly would say, licks and tail wags to you all,

Elaine Glimme

The Molly Chronicles - Jury Duty, the Wrap Up

Howdy, humans and fellow dogs,

This is Molly the Border Collie wrapping up her story about jury duty.

We found Rudy guilty of going for a ride in other people’s cars without their permission. He has to go to jail, which is like the pound only not as bad.

During a break, Caesar and I got some time alone together. Caesar said that he could easily fall for a girl like me, but he was married to his job. A plice dog and a Border Collie - we come from two different worlds; it probably wouldn't have worked out.
He licked my nose and walked away. "Here's lookin' at you, kid," he said. "Well always have the steps of the courthouse." Then he was gone. I'll never forget that moment as long as I live. 
My jury service is over, and I hold my head up higher now. I was part of the humans' justice system, and I performed well, upholding the proud reputation of the Border Collie.
I'll try to get my human to quit playing solitaire and give you her account of our jury service. Meanwhile, if you liked my story, please tell your friends about me. 

With a proud salute to you all, 
This is Molly, signing off. 

The Molly Chronicles

Hello to all my fans.

Being a dog, I wasn't invited to Mac's fifth birthday. (This had nothing to do with the incident concerning Lucy the rabbit, which was all a misunderstanding.) (And the reason that I didn't come when called is that I went suddenly, unexplainedly deaf.)

I wasn't invited and had to stow away inside the bounce house, which is a lot more fun for humans than it is for dogs.

Anyway, we hade a lot of fun, especially the grown up humans because the bounce house was sturdy enough for adults to play in.

I particularly enjoyed the corn dogs and the ham and cheese sandwiches.

Molly, signing off

The Molly Chronicles

Hi, I'm back.

Tried to sign up for an art class, but they don't allow dogs in school. I think it's discrimination!!! Anyway, I'm working on my second painting. I'm going to call it "Food Dish".

The Molly Chronicles

Hello, Hello,

Molly here.

My Auntie Pat doesn't believe that I painted "Dances with Gophers" - just because I'm a dog. She thinks you have to have opposable thumbs.

I created the long, sweeping brush strokes with my tail, and I used my whiskers for the shorter, more precise strokes. And of course my tongue and my paws produced the softer wash of the background. After I had finished, my human cleaned up the mess. (She complains a lot. Beethoven's wife didn't understand him either.)

Lastly, I used some materials from the garden to give it a natural touch. (No gophers were harmed in the making of this picture. Darn it!!!)

I feel I may have a talent for art, and I want to see where it takes me.

Don't worry - I won't neglect squirrel and gopher patrol.

Molly signing off.



The Molly Chronicles

Hello,

Molly back again.

I've been asked how I keep my svelt figure.

It's not easy. My human tries, but she really is a wus, and we don't get anywhere near enough exercise. She wouldn't last five minutes herding sheep in the Scottish highlands.

I keep busy mostly taking care of the squirrels and gophers.

Up at the lake, I have a lot more to do, what with the chickens and cats. And, of course, the puppy Astro has to be looked after. 

But my most important job is taking care of my humans, and that does take a lot of energy.

Gotta go. My human is about to eat a snack, and I have to remind her to share. Manners are so important!

Molly

The Molly Chronicles

The dog cousins came down to visit us, and of course it was up to me to keep them in line. Buddy's pretty easy, but Astro's still a puppy, and gets into trouble any time he can. My human, Elaine, had to put the orchids up high out of Astro's reach. He was pretty good this time and just got into the dental floss and some junk paper that my humans didn't really care about. Also a pencil and an old shoe.

That's a picture of Astro. He's cute, so he gets away with stuff. I'd never chew up the dental floss.

Gotta go. Elaine got some rib bones for us to chew.

Molly

Molly's Diary

Shucks, this is easy. I don't know why my human gets so mad at the computer. And she can even type with fingers. I have to use a paw or my nose, which has its advantages. See, she like to eat while she types. So k and i taste like cheese. Yum! kikikikikikikikikikkikik.