Ask Molly

This week, Winston the Owl writes:

 

Today, my head hangs low and my tail feathers drag in the mud-  or they would if I were walking on the ground which owls never do.
It's over. All over. Sadie, the human, the love of my life, has left me. She returned all the dead mice and thirty-seven of the hamsters that I gave her. (She said she'd give me back the other hamsters as soon as she caught them.) As I gazed one last time into her eyes, she clicked her tongue, and said, in human, "Winston, you're a lovely owl, but I already have a boyfriend." I want her to be happy, but it feels as if my life has just ended.
I write this, munching thoughtfully on a mouse, and I can't help wondering how I went wrong.  Perhaps, I'm one of those owls who just wasn't meant to have a relationship.

Molly, is there any hope for me? How can I win her back? Should I have toasted the mice before giving them to her as Caesar the rat suggested? Humans are so complicated.

Very truly yours,
Winston

Dear Winston,

If a box of hamsters  (wrapped in shiny red paper and tied with a red velvet bow) doesn't impress Sadie, I fear nothing will. She sounds rather high-maintenance, if you ask me.  Turning down hamsters, for goodness sake! Think long and hard about pursuing a relationship with someone who has such poor taste.

Regards,

Molly